Bad communication and father/son relationships Essay

but what kind of stupid shit have I gotten myself into this time? I asked my everywhereprotect.Dont business concern, it solely fuck offs worse er better I mean, he replied.Growing up I invariably calculate the twain of you k unsanded inherently how to levy us, now I question my ability to die hard blush my pregnant married womans wrath, overmuch less an infinitely crying baby.Funny you feel that way. Your mother and I raised you patronage our ignorance and oddly enough I feel no to a greater extent than drug-addicted now than I did more than twenty years ago.Oh, thanks for that. You write out what? I seriously doubt, based on your uplifting quarrel here, that you rightfully are more qualified.I love you too son, give tongue to my pay back. immediately instead of c at oncerning yourself with the future, start hypothesizeing about the here and now and get in there with your wife. Its a right of passage and Ill be damned if you get to skip out on this unmatchedI mmediately upon conclusion of my not so reassuring conversation with my father I aboutwhat less than bravely headed back to the room and my once lovely wife now overcome with fear, anger and roughly greatly rage at seemingly no intimacy but me. These memories of a daytimetime roughlywhat seven years ago remain vivid in my mind. In fact, its amusing what a mind chooses to place into the miss and that which it seems to discard desire some Sheik dis cards used Jaguars.Regardless of what each 1 superpower profess, whatever literature, scripture, propaganda or media competency say, small frybirth is not, by both way of life, a beautiful miracle. It is simply a function of biology, and sure wizard of natures about awful and gut-wrenching sights to behold. Ive rarely even for a second understood the parents who weave these intricate tales of how theyve never before witnessed a more perfect baby and how eager to hold and caress greyback they were the minute he breached the birth domiciliateal. Let me for a minute explain, for every last(predicate)(prenominal) of the delusional parents and more importantly for those who are easily manipulated by much(prenominal) tales, that childbirth is not remotely akin to the beauty of a bride on a wedding day, picturesque mountains covered with snow or a fantastic waterfall hidden deep in some jungle. It is certainly far more reminiscent of a triage base that exists in any X-files like depiction where recently captured aliens are carved like the Christmas playact with a bit of grade B teenage horror movie screaming mixed in to accent the not so tranquil surroundings.When I first witnessed my son, Owen, born into this troubled world, I entangle a magnificent burst of love that Christ himself could not have invoked. Seconds later provided, when the surprisingly slow neurons had traveled from my all too eager center nerve to what I like to adjoin to as myself, my brain, a unpolluted millimeters away, that love remained, capped with some social occasion new, shock. Thoughts will race by ones mind in this situation Funny, my head isnt twice as tall as it is wide, or What barely is that nurse doing stitching up my wife down there? Luckily, for my own sanity these were intermingled like international Morse code code within those of concern, fear, excitement and certainly, love. Suffice to say, the first day with my new child was not a picnic, a miracle, a wonderful software system from god, the stork or any other freakish analogy that might be told to children and ignorant shortly to be parents alike. It was however, the day that my life was drastically adapted and a persistent with the sickness and utter horror witnessed that day, I gained something new, a self-conceit never experienced before. One that seems to multiply exponentially every week like an algorithm gone awry.Most will tell you that children in their early years are an utter handful. Luckily for my wife and mys elf this was not the subject field with Owen. In fact, mere weeks after leaving the hospital we were quiescence nearly an faultless night, something many families are devoid of for months if not years. perchance more importantly however than my now beautiful sons penchant for nighttime silence was his daytime carriage and willingness to learn, in his case siphon, as much knowledge as I could by chance exit to part with. Even before he had grasped a a couple of(prenominal) hardscrabble words he was the proverbial hawk watching my every spark and taking clues more often than not when to the lowest degree expected. Ever nimble to the fact that I was under constant surveillance, my at home demeanor abruptly changed from college student/dock-worker to nearly angelic overnight. With ourselves safely on track, my most daunting task was to prevent Owens grandfather from one of his popular bypast-times teaching Owen large words in a creepy manner. deem my shock upon picking up my son at his grandparents house nevertheless to gaze stunned at my boy eagerly rubbing his slender hands together in an evil manner and repriseing over and over My plans are coming to fruition.Skip out on this one? I said to my father. If you know of any way I domiciliate achieve that at a point like this Id love to know.I ordure think of one way, daddy replied. stodgy your eyes for a second. I swear to you, if you do, youll notice the next thing happening is your child on a bike and that youve missed a year, accordingly 2.Seriously, I knew you were getting a bit long in the tooth, but I never picked you for the nostalgic type. When exactly did you execute the card carrying bleeding- nabt kind?Nodding his head playfully with an arrogant paint a picture of understanding that I had however to grasp he said, Thats exactly what Im talking about. Dont, for anything, miss the years when they havent yet figured out how to smart-off.Much to my dismay, my father was and is mor e correct than I could have ever imagined. Like a line rou permitte wheel that races around barely fast enough to obscure the numbers, yet not so fast that you undersurfacet with some minute degree of difficulty posit out whats happening, my son was increment up at an alarming rate. His mother and myself, with all of our mistakes now resurrected and at the forefront of our minds, focused on molding our child to withhold the determine that we maintained while having the courage to exercise his own individuality. Reminiscing back to the eld when being a father terrified me, when instilling a consciousness of right and wrong in Owen, his mother and I at least(prenominal) attempted to teach him to hold himself with dignity and poise at all times obeying the rules until they seem to conflict withsome other moral standing. obviously this wasnt explained to him in such a manner, but likely through years of examples, lessons at home and luckily at school.Due to the overpower matu rity and good nature that my son had exhibited up until one disgraceful spring morning, my shock at that day hopefully is understandable. Owen for the last two years has been attending an esteemed private grade school one that allows for hardly any deviation from their strict rules and expects as much from the families as the children, generally speaking. Certainly there are more than a few typical suburban gems that consist of a virtually ethereal father who passes in and out of his childrens lives between disgustingly profitable line of credit trips hardly to spend the mandatory 15 minutes with a soccer-mom wife and unappreciated children before jutting off for the afternoon to an overpriced golf course with several other inconsiderate acquaintances.Thankfully for these families an underpaid nanny gives at least some attention to the children, between hangovers and homeopathy classes. sequence most often their mother prescribes to the theory that two double-skinny-mocha-lat tes with nutmeg in an afternoon at the local gourmet food store with her bo-tox friends is the way to raise a child. Owen, sometimes much to his own disgust, is by no means a valued member of one of those families. He is however an important part of ours, one that we can rely upon for at least an perceptive fancy and usually a couple good laughs a day.Our object to be smitten with Owen is something shared by many who have the unending joy of his acquaintance. His school however, in accordance with the bureaucracy required by civilization, deems it necessary to establish a punishment doctrine related to something weve rarely experienced bad behavior. This, put simply, is a system of colored cards ranging from yellow through red, with a few shades of orange that only a flamboyant interior designer would recognize, that are pulled in season or in the extreme case of some dire transgression, the fear red card is pulled bypassing the usual stepped progression a bad thing indeed. We prefer to, when Owen has the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, liken a yellow card to DEFCON-5. While a red card, though inconceivable, would beDEFCON-1, or full scale thermonuclear war (at least within the confines of our modest home). As much as I would like my son to be, at least until college, some aberration of goodness, he does stray mildly from the line some refer to as the straight and narrow. But, when these situations do arise, they are typically mild and take the form of forgotten homework or lack of attentiveness in class, never, before this spring, were they of the kind we like to attribute to the problem children.Ive passably much figured thats why you loved me so much, because of my tuck like wit and willingness to dissect even the most noble of your weakness, I said to my father. In fact, I know thats what draws me to you.I loved you so much because youre Mother made me, Dad replied. I liked you because you never wrecked my car.Not that yo u know of I suppose, winking as I said this. It never did come to me though why you failed to ask obvious questions when issues did arise. Care to share any penetration on this now?What? And ruin the fun for the two of you, I think not.Then my father paused for a minute as if in some internal debate that could drastically effect the future of mankind. Oddly enough, a single piece of exactly that was at stake at this distinct moment.Sometimes, my father continued the best questions are those left unasked. When I knew that you were transaction with any problems in an upstanding manner I felt that my work was accomplished years before. What good is a question then?My wife called me at the office late in the afternoon minutes before I was leaving and began to share with me the details of Owens incident. While I was not by any means eager to hear the news, I begged her to wait at least another hour so that I could consider the full weight of his transgressionin peace. When I arrived ho me from work that evening Owens pre-trial detainment was in effect and he was found reading meekly in his room. Unaccustomed to this environment I immediately spat a barrage of questions toward my wife, only to hear in return some flabbergasting news.Honey, send packing Finn called today about Owens behavior, my wife began. Apparently he received a red card and we might need to meet with the principal.Shocked, I replied. Not that I cant possibly believe that my son would do any wrong, but, Im sure he didnt do it, whatever it is.I beseech that were true, but Ive asked him and he did admit to it, at least we have that much going for us.Youve got to be kidding me, I continued. Im sure hes comprehend that before, but I cant possibly imagine, in school of all places, him ever even considering mouthing a word like shit.Clearly both he and Miss Finn have told me that he said the S word. I think we truly have been blessed all of these years and that now the dam has burst.The worries of my day at work abruptly seemed insignificant compared to this new event. After all, my entire persona had been changed for my child. Though both of us used to have a certain affinity for cursing, that was discarded so many years ago. Im by no means like my boy who seems to always pick the correct path, even if hes only in second grade, but at least in this aspect Im largely infallible. Evidently, the crucial issue here is our realization that soon enough he will be surrounded with overwhelming amounts of temptation as he ages. I would prefer to hold on to some semblance of innocence at least through the second grade, hopefully up to the fourth, God willing. The trial was abrupt and to my sons credit, he did admit his wrongdoing and professed he was simply angry at the ignorance of his school-mates concerning the blatantly obvious difference between awater pokemon and an tune pokemon, stating that air pokemons were S. Perhaps hes been wound up tight lately, given his schedule of 7 hours of school followed by snacks, playing, naps, and more playing. I guess we should have imitation more responsibility in this matter, however, the jury found him mostly at fault and the sentencing was implemented immediately.In the whole scheme of things this episode cancelled out to be nominally more than a speed-bump on my childs path to adulthood. In fact, the grounding was short but the move education as to how to present himself was intensified drastically. It was only later, during one of those bony out humid days of summer that my son taught me a lesson that evidently my father, in all of his wisdom, had never learned. As Owen and I watched an afternoon baseball game, each rooting for the other team though having virtually no investment in either, I was stung by the words suddenly emanating from my sons mouth.Dad, why is it that adults can do and say things that children cant? My son said.As I began my blanket argument, searching mentally for something I did or said recently that would invoke such a dreaded question, nothing came to mind. Well, lifes that way I suppose, someday youll understand.Maybe Mom should ground you for the week then and youll understand.Perhaps thats not such a bad idea, can I buy out your room? I replied, frantically seeking that slip-up and cursing myself to be more aware around my boy.No, you constantly say the colors make you dizzy anyway, he continued. But, when I said the S word you told me thats not how a gentleman speaks. Arent you a gentleman? Or are you a lady? His snickering bought me precious time to recap the past few minutes and what had transpired, and for the life of me I couldnt recall any such regression in my dont speak like a sailor policy.If I did say that I do apologize, however, I think youre mistaking, perhaps you misunderstood me, I said.No sir, you said it, and Im telling Mom.By now my curiosity had been piqued to a point where I could no longer deny this incident in a Clinton-esque manner. I h ad to pursue this matter, even though I figured at this juncture it meant certain embarrassment, at the time I thought for my child.What exactly did I say that you profess you cant?I told you, you said the S word and I cant copy it, you said so yourself.I seriously doubt that. Youve never heard me say that word. In fact, if I recall correctly youre the only one in this household who seems to utter that phrase. I was beginning to worry now that perhaps there was a point of confusion that I didnt understand. On some deeper level I was also in a bad way(p) that my son had started to smart-off to me thus the end to the glory years.Maybe you can bit this word for me, so that I know and will never repeat it again, I said.I dont think that would be a fruitful thing to do, Dad, Owen said. But since youre the boss of me, at least until Mom comes home, I will.My worst fears were confirmed at this moment, he had prematurely reached the age of self-awareness and independence. Surly, I though t, this must be some god-awful twisted plan implanted into his brain by my mischievous father. As I prepared for the next daunting step in my life, dealing with an individual who was not simply repeating what he was shown and instructed like a cheap pet-store parrot, but one capable of reasonable logical connections and moreterrifyingly one that was good at such things, my son began his personal recite lesson for Daddy.Owen of course began with the letter S. I, on one level had previously untrue the outcome and was coming to terms with the peculiar cleverness of my child, in addition to my inability to see through his weak scam, yet I let him continue.t u p i d.Most importantly, son, you must attend to your children, especially as they grow, my father said.Yeah, yeah, I figured that. I can only assume thats why you told me to shut the hell up so often, I replied.I also said distinctly, over and over, to do as I say, not as I do.In retrospect, these words ring true often to me. I cant possibly expect to be father of the year anytime soon. I can however learn from my mistakes and hopefully my son in turn will wariness his grandfathers sage-like advice.